How To Have A Stress Free Wedding
It’s late, you’re tired, and your eyes are puffy. Both of you are surrounded by cardstock offcuts, your back is killing you, and you know you’ve still got another four things to do before you can let yourself rest. How do people put themselves through this?, you think. Are there any stress-free brides and grooms out there?
Oxymorons aplenty, it would seem. A stress free bride and groom? Is that even a thing? Well, to be honest – unless you’re so laidback you’re horizontal, probably not entirely. Even if you are wired to be super relaxed about everything, the magnitude of the day might still make you feel a bit hot under the lace collar.
At the end of the day, however, weddings are supposed to be exciting and enjoyable, and the planning is part and parcel of that. We want to try and avoid Phoebe Buffay style situations (Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and saying the word ‘lorkins’, what flowers would that be?) in the process, leaving everything manageable and calm. Furthermore, so many brides obsess over having a healthy body, but far too many neglect having a healthy mind. We want you to look back on the day and pre-day shenanigans with nothing but blissful happiness. To this end, we’ve tried to work through some tips to help you become the zen god(esses) we know you are deep down (and on Pinterest, too).
Make it as easy as possible for you to keep on top of it all and also sort any issues that may arise – make sure you’ve got everything written in a designated wedding book. Wedding planning can be like having 1000 tabs constantly open and refreshing in your brain, so immortalise it. You can note down all your suppliers’ contact details, websites you’ve found inspiration on, and keep a track of payments and RSVPs. If you grab a book with a list section in it too, you can keep your todo lists close to all the information you need to eventually complete them—and maximise the satisfaction of storming through it. This also legitimises your stationery shopping cravings, giving you pure, unquestionable reason to buy the prettiest planner in the whole land. Bullet journal it, notebook it, list pad it, Filofax it for all we care – just get it noted down so you can keep track of it somewhere other than your head, where you’re already filing on all cylinders for everything else you do.
Surround yourself with supportive, proactive people who will help. It’s so important to make sure the two of you aren’t facing the mountain of marriage making on your own, so ask friends or family – just importantly people that you trust – to be on-the-day contacts for suppliers with last minute questions. Arm them with a full rundown of what you expect to happen, what your ideal day is going to look like, and then try and rest in the knowledge that the day is out of your hands and you shouldn’t be disturbed. Ask them to keep a cursory eye on the day and timings as it unfolds, and gently keep things in line. Don’t worry that this will detract from their enjoyment of the day either – the chances are that they shouldn’t need to step in for anything, and even if they do, they’ll feel a great sense of pride in knowing you entrusted them.
Be wary of social media. It’s envy-inducing at the best of times, but the emotions of a wedding can blow this sky-high. Try not to seek out other weddings and compare your plans to their products. Inevitably some will pop on your timeline, especially if you’re at ‘that age’ where everyone seems to be getting betrothed, but have a coping strategy for this – remember, everyone is different, weddings are supremely personal events, and if your guests truly care about you they won’t be sat in your church/tipi/village hall/hotel commenting on the fact that someone else did it better, because they simply won’t think they did. Don’t feel like you’re admitting defeat if you decide on a social media sabbatical: a detox is an entirely valid coping strategy, actually recommended by many psychologists.
Focus your efforts in finding some peace and calm that truly works for you (and, as a caveat, don’t listen to what other people think of your methods!). Yoga is renowned for being able to induce a sense of calm and worldliness by grounding you, and is definitely something to try out in the run-up to the wedding to allow you to take a step back from all the worry. Having said this, I was once thrown out of a yoga class because my bones clicked too much, which only served to increase my worry and decrease my general worldliness, so it doesn’t work for everyone. There are loads of things you could try– yoga, pilates, craft classes, baking, a long drive—but the important thing is that it should work for you. Your way of finding peace and calm can be something as run-of-the-mill as having a night in with your friends, so long as it successfully diverts your attention and means you’re enjoying the time you’re spending. Something I feel grateful for every day is that we’re right in the middle of a self-love revolution, meaning that resources like this are so easy to come by – it can be as simple as a downloadable podcast giving you five minutes of clear headspace.
Nourish yourself. Healthy body, healthy mind is a cliché overworked like a pack mule but clichés are clichés more often than not because they’re true. Try and take some time to take care of your body with good, balanced foods. This isn’t us trying to wink wink nudge nudge you into dieting either – in fact, quite the opposite. It’s so important to love your body, but to love your body you need to be kind to it. It’s the only one you’re going to get, so treat it well! Try and avoid loads of processed food that’ll make you feel irritable and sluggish, and focus on fresh and yummy food that you’ll get genuine pleasure from. Drink plenty of water too! It’s one of the first things teen magazines teach you, but it does wonders for your skin, your eyes, and your brain! Similarly (I sound like your parent now, but I prefer the role of fairy godmother) try and get decent sleep. The world always seems a bit rosier when you’re well-rested, especially if you’ve rested in bed next to the person you’re going to make your forever with.
What about after? Charlotte Spain, the wedding-worry warrior behind Redamancy Wedding Planning, has highlighted the issue of mental health as of such fundamental importance that helping couples emotionally in the aftermath of the wedding day is central in what she does. She marks identity as a big cause of post-wedding depression, as brides sometimes find the shift from being someone’s daughter to someone’s wife unexpectedly daunting and scarily unmanageable. According to Charlotte, ‘if brides don’t stop seeing themselves as a single woman who is their parents’ daughter before their marriage, then a lot of them struggle with the idea of being part of a new family, where their main role is a wife not a daughter’. She cites surname changing as a big trigger for this. This can also be incredibly isolating too, as brides may feel like they’re betraying their new life. But don’t worry – you’re never alone. Charlotte suggests having an open conversation with parents about the relationship they hold going forward, and also writing a journal, to decide what you’re happy to give up from your previous single life, and what you’d love to bring into married life.
“Don’t stress” is arguably the most frustrating thing anyone can ever say to you, as if there’s some kind of gleaming red button you can casually switch off to make it all go away that you’d just decided not to press before. Instead, just take these steps one at a time. , and that button should turn a hazy shade of rosy pink in no time. Love yourself, and everyone will love you!
…apart from my one-time yoga teacher. I don’t think she will ever love me.
Have you got any other suggestions as to how be healthy for your big day? Let us know in the comments below!
Written by Ellie Kime