Ode To Supportive Husbands Everywhere
A word from our Founder, Louise Daniel on marriage.
I don't usually share details of my personal life within my business. I'm a private person, preferring to shout about your beautiful celebrations, fabulous businesses and amazing achievements instead - let's face it, that's much more interesting! But today I'm going to break my usual silence on this subject, shouting to the world, or at least the thousands of you who read our blog, about just how amazing my husband is.
Having recently celebrated our five year wedding anniversary and nine years together, Nick and I have one beautiful son together, a lovely house in the middle of a field and several tomato plants in a questionable state of health. Like all couples we have had our ups and downs - cliche I know. For the most part there is nothing particularly noteworthy or unique about our relationship. We like to watch crap tv in bed on an evening well before we should be going to bed as adults, we enjoy good food, being silly together, being lazy together and spending time with our wonderfully weird and cute son. To an outsider this is pretty boring really. And I must say, I love that. No drama, just us, loving each other and our family. So why am I sharing this with you? It's not newsworthy or important to anyone but us.
As a bridal blog, our focus is, as you'd expect, on the start of your marriage journey, your wedding. But really, what we hope to do is to encourage you to have the most wonderful, personal-to-you, memorable celebration of you as a couple. And that in turn, we hope that this leads on to a truly amazing marriage, whatever that looks like for you. After all, that's what it's all about isn't it? Spending the rest of your life with the person you love. Supporting each other through bad times, enjoying the good times and living each day to make the best life that you can - together.
Nick and I got married on a random beach in Mauritius five years ago this August. A beautiful lady married us and I'll never forget what she said to us on our wedding day. She went through what marriage means, how we will go through struggles, how we will share wonderful experiences, but the key to it all is knowing - 'You are stronger together than you are apart'. This always plays in my head whenever we have a difficult time and makes me feel calm and comforted. I'm not alone. I know that whatever we face, we face it together. When you think about it, that's pretty amazing. Marriage is pretty amazing.
So back to my wonderfully supportive husband.
Thank you for being there when I'm sad, when things don't go my way or for when I face a challenge. Thank you for putting up with me when I'm being an absolute twat. Working full time, being a mum and running a business is really hard work and sometimes it makes me be a bit twatty. Sorry this usually lands on you but it's only because I know you understand and will still love me - hopefully I make up for it with the countless cups of tea I bestow on you :) Thank you for making me the most delicious food ever, I feel like I live in a michelin star restaurant. Thank you for not taking the piss out of my sometimes questionable fashion/music taste. Thank you for being the most amazing role model for our son. He is becoming the person he is because of the person you are. Thank you for doing the shit jobs like taking out the bins and mowing the lawn. Thank you for making me laugh when I'm being a grumpy arse. Thank you for encouraging me to be the best person I can be, supporting me and keeping me going. I think you're bloody well wonderful and I don't know what I'd do without you.
What can you, as couples about to embark on the journey of marriage, learn from us and the other married couples in your life? That whatever your wedding, however it turns out, if it rains, if you trip up down the aisle, if your first dance doesn't quite pan out as you'd planned, essentially, it doesn't matter. You will still look back on the most wonderful time and be grateful for every second of it. And once the wedding is done, there will be you two. It's now the most exciting part, you get to create the life you want together knowing that things are different - you're married. Support each other, be thankful for each other and have faith in who you are as a couple. Being married is amazing. It really, really is, however ordinary, however uneventful, however unique, it is most certainly always amazing.
So, as a slightly seasoned pro at this wedding business, here are some bits I've learnt along the way...
1. You don't always have to agree - But you do have to be respectful of and value each other's opinions.
2. Be fair - Share as much as you can, good and bad. Unequal partnerships often run in to difficulty, and it's not just me who thinks this, there are countless studies within Psychology that back me up.
3. Have fun - Have as much as you can. Life's too short to be boring so make each other smile, laugh and enjoy, marriage is meant to be fun!
4. Tea is often the answer - When you're sorry, when you've done something wrong, when you've been a mardarse, tea can usually recover the situation.
5. Celebrate - You might think that once the wedding is done, that is the end of big celebrations. Hell no. Celebrate your anniversaries, celebrate your milestones, celebrate a Tuesday! Any excuse, celebrate, you're amazing and that deserves celebrating
6. Focus on the future - Whatever your past's, you are looking forward together. What do you want to achieve? What do you want your life to be like together? Decide on this then make it happen.
7. Value each other - Take the time to say the things you would only say to them, spoil your other half, listen to them, be respectful and take their interests seriously - even if it is an impossible to understand, slightly weird obsession with Star Wars.
8. Don't be selfish.
9. Understand that it's ok for things to change - Over time your relationship will change and become lots of different versions of 'you' as a couple. That's ok. You're inevitably going to change as you grow and experience different things. You're not the person now that you were when you were fifteen so why would you expect to have a relationship frozen in time. It would really be quite boring. The key is to change and grow together, continuously falling in love (cheesy but true).
10. Do what works for you - There is no blueprint for a happy marriage. I am merely making suggestions based on my own experience that you may or may not choose to ignore. Other people will give you advice, tell you how to make your marriage work, even sell you books about what to do. But at the end of the day, we're all wonderfully different, and therefore each and every relationship is equally unique. Don't listen to other people, focus on what works for you and don't compare.
Written by Louise Daniel
What are your thoughts on marriage? What was your experience of getting married? We'd love to hear from you. Please do comment below or share your thoughts on our Facebook page.